Who Is Speaking?

Talking on the phone is something I haven’t done much of since moving here. I do use Skype for friends and family back home as well as for taking care of business for travel, but as far as local conversations, phone use is non-existent.

I do have an inexpensive cell phone that allows me to text friends and speak with people when absolutely necessary, but the quality is such that if someone speaks Portuguese to me on it, I can’t understand. In fact, I know that no one who knows me here would call and speak Portuguese to me anyway so I can be pretty confident that it is a stranger that I don’t need to talk to anyway.

Speaking of strangers, this brings up some phone etiquette around here that I’ve always questioned. When my husband and I receive phone calls and say hello, the person’s response is almost always “Que fale?” which means “who speaks”. It actually translate to “what speaks” I think, but I long ago stopped arguing the confusion of this new-to-me language. I guess que as opposed to quem can be "who" also.

Upon hearing it for the first time, I knew what it meant. It led me to do one of two things – respond with “que fale?” or hang up. Why? Because that is what I have been taught to do since I was a kid.

This whole phone etiquette came to mind while I was in the house of a friend a few weeks ago. The phone rang, I heard her say hello and then she said her name. This reminded me that this caller must have asked her who was speaking first before telling her who he or she was.

The way I grew up the person receiving the call is the one in control. When someone calls in they should ask for the person they wish to speak to, and then the person receiving asks who it is.
The caller doesn’t start the conversation by saying, “who is this?” because they will be met with the response of “well, who is this?”

I know, I’m getting confusing. I do have a point, well, kind of. There are two reasons why, where I grew up, this is considered rude and unsafe. Notice it is not just a cultural clash of differences in what is perceived as rude, but an issue of safety growing up.

As a kid allowed to answer the phone, we are instructed not to give out any information - our name, if we are home alone, saying mom and dad isn’t there. First, we find out who is calling, and then tell them that our parent’s are busy if they can’t come to the phone.

So a phone call goes like this:

Receiver: Hello?
Caller: May I speak to so and so.
Receiver (two options): Yes, just a minute. Or, may I ask who is calling?

That’s the way it goes. The person receiving knows the caller, not the other way around. Basically because the phone call is coming into your personal business and privacy.

A phone call like the following puts me in a bad mood and pretty much tells me if you don’t know who you are calling and the fact there will be a female and male voice to answer the phone upon which point you can determine if it is me or my husband, then you probably have no business calling anyway.

Me: Hello?
Caller: Who’s speaking?

Click….I just hung up.

Okay, I know, I try to be more culturally understanding than I’m letting on, but I did find this difference ever so interesting, especially since these are hard and fast rules I was taught for safety as a kid, that have stuck with me.

Who knew I could write an entire post about cultural phone etiquette.