Losing My Identity

Whenever I go back the States for a visit or speak to someone I haven’t talked to in a while there is one question that is always asked in the initial greeting.

“So how’s Brazil?”

My annoyed, sick-of-this-question self is tempted to reply in one of two ways.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask it?” or “Good. How is ________ (fill in the blank with the city he/she lives in)?”

Those are the responses I want to shoot back, but I don’t. I try really hard to be understanding. I know people are trying to make chit-chat, maybe they are uncomfortable and don’t really know what to ask. I don’t want to be rude, but I really am getting tired of the question.

Before I go on I should add that this is usually asked by people I would consider acquaintances, the people I run into when I’m back home. My friends and family typically ask more specific questions.

Yes, moving here was a big life change, but now that I am about 10 months into it, I simply consider Brazil my home-for-now. I’m still making adjustments and struggling with Portuguese but I’m much more comfortable.

I guess I’m just tired of so much of my identity being about where I live. I used to be just Lori and now I’m Lori who moved to/lives in Brazil.

Other big things have changed for me besides my location.

I have a new job. (This brings on an even more annoying question which I will discuss in another post.) I left my office job and can now call myself a freelance writer. I’ve had time to explore more of my personal interests. I’m finally getting back into more serious exercise like I was before grad school and adjusting to the real world sucked my time away. I have new friends.

I obviously enjoy talking about my experiences or this blog wouldn’t exist. I enjoy answering questions, too. The ones that are more specific and show a person is actually interested. Things like, “how are you adjusting?” or “how is the food there?” I don’t even care if they ask me about gas prices in Brazil.

Maybe this is what people mean when they use the question. There is just something about “how’s Brazil?” that has become so vague and insincere to me.

The whole experience – moving, work, life in general – is so huge that I’m not sure exactly what to talk about when I’m asked that question. I just want the identity back that defines me and is not based on where I live.