Before, After and a Year Later

After my question last week I got a better idea of what some of you like reading in my blog. I also got suggestions to write a little bit about how my perceptions have changed from before I moved here to a year later. (I’ll warn you now, this is long and jumps around a lot.)

So I’ve had this on my mind the past few days. Lately, I’ve grown tired of reading arguments and accusations among ex-pat bloggers and nationals in Brazil (and other countries). It has made me take a step back and realize that this experience is such a small one in my life. And while I am so glad to have readers, input and comments it is impossible for anyone to really know me or for me to know any of you.

I’m also learning that being a US ex-pat in Brazil doesn’t define me. This experience is about getting out of my comfort zone and living a new life. I could have done that anywhere. It actually has very little to do with Brazil for me.

My love of travel and interest in other cultures started long before the decision to move abroad. While the chance to be an ex-pat grew more appealing as my husband began working for an international company, Brazil was no where on the radar. There was talk about China and Ireland and other places. When Brazil was presented, my answer was plain and simply – no.

South America had never been of any interest to me as far as exploration goes. I love Europe and the Caribbean – still do. Through prayer, thoughtful reflection and many hours of talking with my husband we finally decided that moving to Brazil might be the right thing to do. I viewed it as a learning opportunity that was a once in a lifetime offer.

So I really had no preconceptions about Brazil. It seems many Brazilians like to think that (US)Americans view their country as being all jungles, monkeys and beaches. I can’t say that any of these thoughts came to mind, except maybe beautiful beaches.

I will say one thing that concerned me was the focus being on such a sexual culture. I am conservative when it comes to dressing and shaking-your-stuff, for lack of a better term. The media portrays this as a big thing in Brazil through reports of Carnival and similar topics.

I’m not saying it is true or false, better or worse than any other culture, it just is. It was something that came to mind when deciding to move and I really don’t have an opinion to share on it at this point. I bring it up because it was probably the closest thing I had to a preconception.

Before moving here, I was very excited. I quit a job I didn’t like so much. I was going to get to pursue anything that interested me regarding my career and work from home. I was going to get to learn a new language, meet new people and learn about new foods. We sold almost all we owned and it gave me such a great feeling to let material things go and take another step in life.

Once I was here a few months, my feelings were ones of disappointment. Why? Well, because it wasn’t nearly as fulfilling I had expected. I like to talk to people and the language barrier was depressing. I wanted (and still want) to be fluent in the language so I could get to know people.

I had wanted this whole experience to be a new step in health for me. No more restaurants with huge portions or shelves stocked with fake foods. Let me say the produce and feiras have been wonderful, but I was so sad to walk into a grocery store and see all the emphasis on diet foods and artificial ingredients, not to mention all the unhealthy selections at restaurants.

I’m not saying it is wrong or bad, but compared to what I had anticipated, it was disappointing.

After a year, I can say there have been more downs than ups. That being said, there have been plenty of ups and I have grown to appreciate what I have been exposed to here. I have changed greatly as a person and grown more than I could have imagined. I am more patient, less materialistic and more accepting.

At the same time I feel I am more reserved and less outgoing. I am homesick a lot and I often grow disappointed with myself regarding the struggles I have here. I feel I’ve changed in both positive and negative ways.

My biggest challenge has been my loss of independence. I don’t drive, can’t go out at night alone and I’m dependant on my husband and others to do a lot of things for me. I have found this completely maddening at times.

Just so this doesn’t sound all gloom and doom, let me state a few things that have been overwhelming positives that I hadn’t expected either – new friends (real and virtual), an introduction to the world of ex-pat blogging and very accepting strangers.

Along with all of this I think one thing just in the past few months that has been reiterated to me is the similarities between people and where I come from and Brazil/Brazilians.

This is one thing that has always driven my love for travel. I came from a family that didn’t travel much and when I was first exposed to it I loved that overwhelming feeling that there are people all over the world with the same struggles, situations and day-to-day activities as I was living. I just loved learning more about it.

Lately I’ve realized that overall the people of this world are more similar than different. These are few things regarding Brazil that I’ve come to recognize.

Physical beauty is everywhere in this world. There seems to be this huge focus on the pride (real or imagined) that Brazilians have in the beauty (read physical attractiveness) of their women. The women are no more attractive here than they are in the US, Germany, Austria and on and on.

We are all impatient and live a fast paced lifestyle. I always read accounts of how outsiders are attracted to the laidback lifestyle in Brazil. This may be true if you are on a secluded beach somewhere, but not so where I am. People whine, complain and get frustrated standing in long lines here just like in the US. They rush from place to place, eat and drink in 30 seconds and are on to the next task. They may walk more slowly on the street, but this doesn’t equate to being laidback.

Lots of working does not equal productivity. In the US I struggled with coworkers who complained about how many hours they worked, they loved to focus on it and tell everyone about it yet they didn’t produce crap. So far I’ve experienced this same phenomenon here.

We all like to complain. I’m beginning to feel that complaining is a trait of human beings in general. People here complain about everything from it being too hot or cold, food being too this or that and everything else, just like…most people in the US.

So what I am getting at is that this experience that I thought would be so enlightening and different hasn’t turned out to be that way. I’m not trying to be overly negative, just honest. Overall, I am happy with where I am in this life and I have a positive attitude now and for the future.

I’ve enjoyed learning about a new culture and being forced to adopt new practices because of it. So far any negative experiences I have had with this whole situation have been worth it for what I have gained.

I return to my point that my ex-pat experience isn’t about Brazil. It is about the experience itself. I’ve also learned that the result so far has turned out to be nothing like what I expected it to be.

I have mentioned before that this opportunity came at a time when I was ready to go. I was fed up with many things in the US, specifically those related to the health field.

What this experience has done for me is teach me lessons in gratitude and appreciation. I have never felt such gratitude for what I have access to in the US from stuff (although less important to me), to travel, to freedoms as I do after a year living abroad. That is what this experience has taught me and continues to teach me everyday.

Am I glad I took on this life changing challenge – absolutely. Is Maringá and what I’ve seen of the rest of Brazil my favorite place in the world – absolutely not, but neither are parts of the US.

There is sure to be more to come as I think on these topics, but this is all I have to reflect on for now. I’m going to take a break from the mushy stuff for a bit. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get back to food!